Life was beautiful
with my gorgeous wife, everything used to dance around when we were together; I
cherished and enjoyed every moment of life with her.
But her sudden death
changed everything; the red rose which used to be fresh and source of
escalation became colorless like a draught hit plant, the Viennese wine used to
romanticize our trifling celebration has become tasteless and vain, the soul
touching music of late 60’s has become awful noise.
After the death of
my beloved wife, I decided to leave everything behind and hit the road to lose-my-self.
Such hasty change and aimless travel was quite hard to manage.
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Meeting addicted
people on the road, clubbing and partying became daily activities in Munich.
Searched for
comfort at unusual and off beam places; I became a night creature and made
friendship with all the bad guys in the town.
Slept with strangers and woke up with a new girl every morning. I lost
almost 7 KG
weight in short time because of strange habit and troubled schedules.
Sniffed heroin for the first time, I threw up
at the very moment then injected it with used syringes. My body rejected the
white poison as something from above forced me to avoid the preposterous drill.
But I failed to stop the deviation; neither had I realized the damage of such
practices at the beginning.
Used whatever came
my way to stay high, whether it was marijuana, bhang, majoon, hashish, spirits
(acids), cocaine and other traditional remedies.
The horrendous
journey continued and I was roaming in the streets of Germany, Italy, Croatia,
Slovenia, and Hungary. I met, ate, slept, and traveled with aliens, street
gangs, pimps, waifs and strays. Shared cloths of their boyfriends or their Ex
and husbands to continue the journey to nowhere, with a slanted image. ‘After
all these I botched to give them even an iota of love.’
Tried the trick of
solitary confinement and became insomniac; it further damaged the body and the
suffering soul within.
The only hope for me
was to commit suicide and get rid of these burden I was carrying along for such
long, the affliction, soul-asphyxia, distorted image, and prestige stigma were
good reason to set the soul free from the body-cage.
Tried various stuff
but they all turned vain, all I found colored water not poison not even the
deity wanted to invite the filthy, shattered and bruised soul.
One day I was
leaving the squat in hope to find some bucks to buy some loaf; outside a local
restaurant of Slovakia I met some spirited guys. They introduced themselves as
“free-souls” who were from Turkey, after brief conversation they offered me
some food and invited to their place.
The next day I was
not keen to listen to their speeches, but rather more curious to get some food
to silence my starving stomach. Astonishingly I found their conversation more enjoyable
than the food; they were educated guys who were missioned to spread love.
I felt shiver which
run through my spine, when I heard that they are on a mission to lose their “Self,”
it was a strange feeling indeed a weird one. I kept thinking, how it can be
possible, being on same mission but on different road.
They invited me if I
can also be a part, for the rest of the journey. Halfheartedly I agreed, as
there was no other purpose left in life. I found them very kind no matter how the rude
the people are or tough the situation around, never got the feeling of hatred
for people or nature.
Slowly I loved
spending time with my strange friends; I like working and helping them. They
offered me some clean clothes and nice food, above all the care and respect
which was not common.
One day in the late
afternoon the group head came to me, he offered me the famous Turkish green tea
and sat beside me. Calmly he said, “Why don't you quit all these bad habit and
lose your ‘self’ for the marvelous love?”
I was a bit
surprised; nothing came out of my mouth then after a brief silence the word
‘Yes’ came out, Like someone from inside forced me to say it.
It was a turning
point of my life, I tried hard to get control over my addiction, the guys in
the group helped me allot. At many occasion I betrayed my promise but latterly I
achieved what I wanted.
I became a normal
human being and started working with them; I have shared my experience with
hopeless people in the streets and gave them the courage to live a normal life.
Life is beautiful
now, working for local a charity organization; we collect funds for the needy
ones, and also try to heal their inner wounds.
It’s not self-centeredness;
neither egocentricity nor narcissism, but rather eternal love which one needs
to share and definitely you will get back.
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